One of the precepts of Alanon is, ”Don’t precipitate a crisis nor interfere with a crisis.” I had, heretofore, understood this admonition to mean, ”bite your tongue and let someone reap the consequences of his bad decisions.” This is also referred to in 12-step programs as allowing another person “to reach his bottom.”
Today, an even more significant reason for keeping such crisis thoughts to yourself occurred to me. The “crisis” that you are admonished to not perpetuate nor interfere with is, really, merely an imagined outcome your own creative mind has conjured. Unless you are a prognosticator with proven powers of knowing the future, in other words, if you are astoundingly wealthy due to your knowing in advance which horses, teams or candidates will win and you’ve successfully put your money where you mouth is, then, just maybe, your imagined outcome is not such a sure thing. If, in truth, you are as incapable of divining the future as the rest of us, wisdom will guide you to keep your mouth shut.
Your antsyness to warn someone of his impending misfortune proves only that you have tranced yourself into believing in this imminent and certain outcome. Nevertheless, the “crisis” still resides only in your own mind. And, in those moments when you are so eager to divert another’s attention with your story is the time when you are more deeply in love with your mind’s fabrication than you are with the victim of your imagined bad outcome.
Simpy because you have become enchanted with the “crisis” you envision, in no way means it is any more true a future outcome than someone else’s mental picture. However, when you become unquestioningly invested in the “truth” of your imaginings, the temptation to trance others into believing along with you can seem irresistible.
Yet, questioning the thoughts which barrel out of your ever active mind is really not such a hard thing to do. Playing the “Says Who?” Game from 21 Games for The Mind that Won’t Shut the @#&* Up! makes questioning thoughts easy, illuminating and worthwhile. As you question the value of predicting unpleasantness for others, and as you reawaken to your heart’s desire to be respectful, you will much more easily refrain from polluting others’ intentions with toxic imaginings. Questioning your thoughts also brings the added benefit that such unpleasant predictions will be less and less inclined to take up residence in your mind, leaving space for creative imaginings which glorify, dignify and bring joy. This is the way of genuine and mature love.